The struggle of reality.

      Who likes to talk about their weight? No one! But that is what I am going to do, I'm going to put my self on blast. Call myself out. Give myself the reality check that I need! My weight has always been a problem, I was a chubby kid, a bigger teenager, and very overweight adult.

    The first picture is of me in kindergarten and the second is me in third grade. I would like to thank my mother for the sweet 90's clothes (why are my shorts so high??), and that the track suit is also a match to the one my American girl doll wore. At this young I was already so much bigger then the other girls and boys in my class, but back then it wasn't a big deal we all ran around and were goofy little kids.

    These are the years where my weight mattered. Where people say hurtful things about someone elses body shape, in typical teen ways of using extremely rude ways. The first is from my 8th grade graduation, I was sprayed with a fake tan, hair done up, and I wore a dress that was hard to find since no 13 year wore the size I was in. The second is my sophomore year in high school, if you couldn't tell by the awful hair and skin complexion. In high school I wore a jacket everyday, I wanted that extra layer to try and hide what I hated. I wore loose clothes and tried to avoid anything that made me stand out.

   We had to do 2 years of either dance or PE, and well I'm no dancer so it left me with no other option then to do PE. It was the worst two years ever. I dreaded going. The teachers were terrible, changing in a locker room was embarrassing and having to run in front of everyone was my living nightmare. There were certain activities I did enjoy, weight lifting and yoga. But the teacher would ruin it for me, by yelling at me when they happen to catch me not doing something to readjust my shirt, or get balanced again, or to even tie my shoe. I tried my hardest, I wanted to enjoy that small period of the day but being surrounded by people who were athletic made it hard to feel good about myself. When those two years were up, I was done I didn't want to step foot into that gym again. And I didn't, two years later I graduated and was in the "adult" world.

    This was around my 20th birthday, I was out of town visiting my friend and a few other people. We decided to dress up and find something to do, so we hit up the mall and bought some fun dresses. As you can tell mine was very sparkly and small, but I wore it anyways and did get plenty of compliments on it. Even though people were telling me how good my dressed looked and they loved it, I was embarrassed and thought I looked awful. Everyday I thought clothes fit my wrong, I tried covering up with sweaters and loose shirts.

    A few months later my sister got engaged and was planning a wedding, and I was to be her maid of honor. I made the decision to start working out, at first I was just taking walks down the road with my dog and using Wii Fit. One day I took the leap and signed up for the gym, I have signed up for this gym before with my sister years before but it was a short stint and I honestly don't think I lost anything. I was determined to work hard and look good on my sisters big day. I had a good food plan and workout routine, and I lost around 45 pounds.

   I felt amazing that day, I felt thin and beautiful. I gave myself a little break after the wedding and was going to get right back at it. The small break turned into weeks and then when I did go back I wasn't into it and wasn't putting my best into the workouts. Eventually I was barely going, and that weight crept back on.

   Then my best friend got engaged and I was determined to feel good again for that wedding. Although I didn't loose much weight that time around, but I still felt great! I did cardio and this time I added in weights. I met people at the gym who taught me more routines and taught me how to do it safely. I loved going to the gym and leaving drenched in sweat and feeling great! Eventually that slump came back and I wasn't doing my routines and barely going.

   The more I think about why I keep slipping back the more I become aware of how I wasn't doing any of this for myself! I need to come to terms that to stay strong and follow through with actually keeping the weight off and pushing through until the end is I need to do this for me and no one else.

   I have struggled for years, I am ready for the strength. It's time to make a new plan and stick with it. Take each day as it comes and make the right choices! This time it will be for me

This photo will someday be my before picture. It's unflattering and I can say everything I hate about it, but I won't. I'm going to use it as motivation to work hard and reach my goals.

Watch MyWhiskeyDreams become Reality.